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Sheelah (digital)

by Rona Mac

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1.
Flinch when I write your name Those words will never look the same They're all jumbled up because my eyes can hardly see A blur of our toxicity My tears are running down your cheeks But I have grown and I need it to show You're laid out at my feet Your sorry face never looked so sweet And I miss you even when you're around I'm sorry to sing this sorry song But there's just no telling how long If ever, I'll get to make you laugh when your world is upside down Call me another day please Call me another day please Call me another day please Call me another day please Took your time, a bit too slow Well my day it ended days ago I left us at the shore where we belong Dropped me like a winning card You turned away and walked so far That I could hardly recognise your face And as I always do I held my breath to wait for you To draw me in, but the waiting took too long And now you trundle back But I filled my life in lack of you, babe I'm afraid that I moved on. Call me another day please, call me another day please Ask me another day please, ask me another day please Ask me a year ago please, ask me a year ago please Let go, and let me go please, let go let me go please Go now, leave me alone please, go now leave me alone please But Ask me another day please, ask me another day please.
2.
Chewmeup 06:01
I run I run I run Away from the sun What have I become? Astray the night and the day I'm on my way But I won't stay Mmmm I can't stay The web the mist and the dew Entangled in you You never quite new The feelin' of my shoes I didn't mean to let you in so far I crashed and burned Your tracks, my car The road it leads The lines it leaves Eyes shut to the blur I shed my fur Our arms unfurl My body curls You're teasing girl Come home and shower it off My feet in the moss You're joining the dots I know it's gunna be raw My knees are so sore You've done this before You've left a hole in my chest The puncture a mess I knew it was best To leave you to rest So slam the door on your feet This darkness is sweet I feel your defeat You're begging me please stay Please stay Please stay And I knew that you would chew me up And I wish your kiss wasn't so vulnerable And we sway in time and I release my mind To a wolverine She's sweet: she's mean Treat 'em sweet: keep 'em keen You never did see Your destruction in me You never did see Your destruction in me I shed my fur Our arms unfurl My body curls You're teasing girl
3.
Upon the hill you drew a map of a life we'd have somehow I've still got the paper, I thought it would be over by now And sure love lasts, yeah, sure love lasts And sure pain lasts, yeah, sure pain lasts I wish it wouldn't last it wouldn;t last it wouldn't last By now it shouldda past it shouldda past it shouldda past Break me down slowly Cause lovin' for me is some kinda holy It kinda feels like you came, left, and stole me Took my gold, girl I'm not whole, but I've been told, y'no it's kinda rock and rolly We couldda gone, we couldda gone, we couldda gone places We couldda got, we couldda got, we couldda got naked We couldda kissed, we couldda kissed for ages I couldda learnt, I couldda learnt not to fake it I couldda lay, I couldda lay with you only Out on display out ,on display with my whole body We couldda tried, we couldda tried but I don't think you really want me All I want, all I want is someone to hold me Gimme some time to rest my body Drink some wine and shrug it off me Get some sleep and dream of you all over me Wake up, wake up, drink my coffee
4.
Move, tell me I don't gotta stay Soon, there's gotta be another way Of talking to each other Tell me what you're gunna say Then think about your Mother What would she have to say? You sexist mother fucker Your mouth so dirty Have you ever had a lover? Get on your knees and pray. Queen, I stand with my legs out wide Reveal, the power I stash inside I'm in my fuckin' prime With a woman by my side The time it seems to slide Gathering speed with time I'm sorry, did I overshare? Is it cause she has long hair, Something that you can't bare? Are you terrified that you're gunna have to share? Scared you're gunna end up on the shelf? Doctor! Doctor! Can you check his mental health? And while we're there... can you check mine too? Cause woman, I think I'm falling for you. I think I'm falling for you I think I'm falling for you I think I'm falling for you Woman Woman
5.
Simmer-down 04:30
Away we go Then safety stay These restless fears A-congregate You smoke to speed up I smoke to breath You take my breath away Every time I see you I see her Forget the way I knew her Since we first met My stomach churned You'd think by now I Surely might have learnt My mind's a mess with How it could unfurl Turns our I'm simmering Upon another girl SHOW ME HOW FAR WE'LL RUN STRAIGHT DOWN THE BARREL OF A GUN I'm on the hook Been here for days If you've read the book Please, can you turn the page? Maybe it's different Probably the same Still love for me, historically Has been full of pain But isn't it the same for every stranger? Why do we insist on this insane behaviour? And I trip upon my own undoing Each day I'm living SHOW ME HOW FAR WE'LL RUN STRAIGHT DOWN HE BARREL OF A GUN
6.
Throw away the witches We always knew, they'd chase us through The night, I'm all for listening My teeth upon desire To shine just like the others they come, they go They know, they know something Eyelashes like whispers Again I lost my friend, myself And may I wash the dishes? The plates may take my sins away The give and take indifference Shaped into squares, Concrete and bare But you were always different. Shining, These blades of the sun. Blinding, You'll stay and I'll run. I'm losing my way it seems In between the black and the green We're forced to believe Everything we've seen, seen. Forced between your ankles There's a shackle of creed Long chains of greed Caught into a tangle I look between your feet were clean It's trash all in a mangle Veiled and discrete Scented and sweet Appears as quite a handful Maybe I'm the thief Maybe I'm a bitch underneath? MAYBE I'M THE THIEF MAYBE I'M A BITCH UNDERNEATH? Shining, These blades of the sun. Blinding, You'll stay and I'll run. I'm losing my way it seems In between the black and the green We're forced to believe Everything we've seen, seen. Maybe I'm the thief, Maybe I'm a bitch underneath? Maybe I'm the thief, Maybe I'm a bitch underneath?
7.
Olivia 05:09
Take me dancing Swim in circles Like the Eagles Trees are reaching Down to the ground Feel my heart pound Slowly now Slowly now Slowly now Cause generally, well, I believe in honesty and well Time will teach us how to forget I'm pretty sure I've heard these words before in thoughts that speak in my mind And I hear them all the time Now – shut up And I look for spaces in-between the branches in their faces this time and I won't call them mine or put their bright lights into boxes and label their limits and we will be what we want to be without even thinking She's so fearful Won't go walkin' Without people Deep inside that Hood she's talkin' Oh so careful Welcome the silence It's full of vibrance I like to dance alone, so Take me dancing and swim in circles like the eagles like the eagles
8.
Steady 04:29
When I was young I'd hold his hand Look up beside me Trust solid he'd stand Then I got older And learnt that my skin Though hers was much colder Mine is paper thin You're all files in my folder And I'll wear you like garments Your patchwork adores me Like spring in the garden And I trusted your words though They were written not told And how can another Be so hot and so cold How was I so stupid? To lose it again That self destruct tangent That runs straight through my head I'm so fine on the edge now And then I slip and slide Back into the darkness That I harbour inside And I wish I was weeping But I can't even cry I just play this for hours Like a loophole in time Amongst all the flowers I tread the paths of my mind Till my fingers are raw And I'll loop one more time Now back to the harbour Where the boats come in slow I stand without armour And watch as they go.
9.
Necking 05:45
I'll wade through the water Knee deep till my neck's cold Giant steps and we'll get there Even if the others have gotta come in tow Liquid table, I reach across it Arms out, your fists unfold Today I'll walk through the water Body lose despite the cold She's left you lookin' for another half Are you satisfied with your broken heart? Throw a stone, watch it skimming Skin peels back, I'm skinny dipping, I hold you close, my mouth mimicking Seconds melting, but the clock is ticking And I wish you'd stay (but at a distance) Now it's getting late (and I insist) I'm spiritual (and ritualistic) You're the holiest prayer (I've ever kissed) I'm a heart breaker A deep breath taker They say “watchout! She's a faker” I'm so fickle Made of paper Left right centre See you later My heart it sings for you In a deep growling voice There's a question in my body And she never asks twice My teeth they grind for you When we're stood tooth to tooth I forget that I'm an animal To tell you the truth
10.
Move, tell me I don't gotta stay Soon, there's gotta be another way Of talking to each other Tell me what you're gunna say Then think about your Mother What would she have to say? You sexist mother fucker Your mouth so dirty Have you ever had a lover? Get on your knees and pray. Queen, I stand with my legs out wide Reveal, the power I stash inside I'm in my fuckin' prime With a woman by my side The time it seems to slide Gathering speed with time I'm sorry, did I overshare? Is it cause she has long hair, Something that you can't bare? Are you terrified that you're gunna have to share? Scared you're gunna end up on the shelf? Doctor! Doctor! Can you check his mental health? And while we're there... can you check mine too? Cause woman, I think I'm falling for you. I think I'm falling for you I think I'm falling for you I think I'm falling for you Woman Woman

about

In 2019 I resettled back home on the most western
tip of Wales, literally speaking. Come autumn, I collected second hand and borrowed equipment and set myself to recording an album in the corner of my caravan. Learning as I went along, I took songs that I'd written and gigged over the previous year and took them to the final mastering, and called it 'SHEELAH'. The name was inspired by 'sheela na gig'- an ancient figure found in stone carvings across the UK and Ireland, depicting an old woman squatting and pulling apart her vulva. It has been described as 'grotesque'. For me, she represents the dark side of the feminine. She's vulgar, she's comical, she's enchanting and she's real, holding open the doorway to the unknown. This album for me really encapsulates a lot of my early 20s – the frustration with the way things are, heart breaks over and over again, becoming a Woman, learning to be vulnerable again, sex, magic, feminism, lesbianism, drugs, tiny fringes and many, many clean slates.

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released June 26, 2020

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about

Rona Mac Wales, UK

I write atmospheric Indie-pop songs about things that feel real to me, in hope that they might feel real to other people. I'm from West Wales, I'm 28, I'm gay, and I live in a caravan where I write, record + mix music. If I can talk about things we've been told we shouldn't, and help people connect to feelings they tucked away in their teens, then I'll be happy when I'm old. So I'm giving it a go. ... more

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